Here at WCC we have been working through a ten week sermon series evolving around the subject of worship. This past Sunday I shared a message entitled “Worship In Conflict”. I want to share with you a portion of that message which is the known as the “Four Rules of Communication” found in Ephesians 4:25-32. I believe our relationships with our spouse, family, friends and church would be transformed if we would choose to apply these principles when engaged in conflict.
Blessings, Pastor Tom
Ephesians 4:25-32, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Rule 1: Be Honest
Verse 25, “Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
This seems like a simple principle, but it can have some challenges such as:
- White lies and half-truths along with the idea that the lie might help smooth things over.
- Using body language that does not match the words.
- Exaggerating the facts (using the words all or never).
Honesty is not always easy especially in high charged and emotional situations, however we must be honest because “we are members of one body”.
Rule 2: Keep Current
Verses 26-27, “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.”
- Solve today’s problems today.
- Unresolved problems can lead to bitterness.
- Do not go to bed angry because the devil will get a foothold if we do.
Rule 3: Attack the Problem Not the Person
Verse 29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
- Focus on the problem and not the person involved in the problem.
- Rebuke and reprove in love and gentleness.
- Your words should be conduit for grace, not a means of conflict.
Rule 4: Act Don’t React
Verse 31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
- Communicate with one another with gentleness, forgiveness and kindness.
- Be quick to forgive.
- Do not communicate through feelings of malice, clamor and slander because these things are sinful and do not please God.
- Do not use harsh tones.
- Assume the best about the person and not the worst.
- Do not gossip about the conflict. Others are not part of the problem and they will not be a part of the solution.